I just threw up on my dentist
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
