Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
