but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
