At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
