no, he came in my armpit
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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