Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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