I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
