How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I have feelings that need drinking.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Randomize
