Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Randomize
