I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
