if you like me you must not know who I am
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
