I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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