Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
worst night to have a conscience
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bed is full of blood and feathers
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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