K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
