Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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