I want to stick my p in your. b.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
