you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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