i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
