Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
