can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I want to have your abortion
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
