you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
