Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
