is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
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I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
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I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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