Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
