No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm at about main and main street
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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