He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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