I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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