He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
