I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
