you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
