Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
