I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
