whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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