also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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