Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
