hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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