so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
