I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
