Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Randomize
