On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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