dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
