winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
