dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
