"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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