Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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