Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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