i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
