I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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