you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
