Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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