Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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