May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
