The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
