we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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