I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
soo... how was my night?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
