I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You are a genius and a whore.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
