you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
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I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
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I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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