I just saw a hot homeless man
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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