so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
