you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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