I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
