Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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