chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
