Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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