did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
