When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
