Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize