I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
