so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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