i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
