My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just had sex on a roof
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
