I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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