Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
