dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
