my mouth tastes like poor choices
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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