Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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