what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
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No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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