eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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