They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
