Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
