I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Never underestimate the power of titties
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
